It is common in our traditional parenting practices, unfortunately, that we expect our children to perform tasks that require building a skill and forming a habit, such as organizing their room or studying, simply by giving orders or resorting to rewards and punishments. This happens without any awareness of what a skill actually needs in order to form in the brain. For example, to train a child in the skill of organizing his room, we need to explain the steps and details of the task, then encourage him to carry it out under our supervision, making sure the tasks are age-appropriate. After that, we move to the stage of having him do it independently, with gentle reminders if he forgets, and without blame, so that we help the skill form in the brain and deepen its pathways until it becomes a habit. Many parents are unaware of how habits and skills are formed in the brain. They want their child to leap in a single jump from the stage of first learning about a task to the stage of consistent commitment, sometimes within a single day. This is impossible, because weak skill pathways in the brain make a person unaware of performing them and cause him to forget easily whenever something more enjoyable or more important to him comes to mind. Parents then turn to rewards and punishment and to negative discipline methods to bridge the wide gap between first knowledge and genuine skill. The child becomes discouraged, and the struggle, resistance, and misbehavior begin. What Is the Solution? Let us take the skill of studying as an example. One: Explain the steps of the task at the beginning and supervise your child afterward to ensure he has understood all parts and details. For example, explain to your child how to study and sit with him to make sure he is sitting, focusing, and following the steps correctly so he can acquire the skill of studying. You may eventually sit nearby once you see the skill developing, but in the beginning he needs your presence beside him to get used to sitting and focusing, which is genuinely difficult for a child at first. Two: Prepare the place and time for practicing the habit. This helps the brain master it until it becomes second nature. Set a clear rule, such as study time begins at four o'clock. Prepare a comfortable, appropriate, and distraction-free space, and sit with him there to bring comfort, warmth, and tranquility. Three: Remind with love. Remind your child with love and without tension if he is late starting his studying or becomes occupied with something else. Use brief words in a firm tone that neither frightens nor blames, such as: "Studying is a priority." How Much Time Will This Take? It depends on several factors and there is no fixed answer. Your child may acquire the skill within a month, or he may need your follow-up and encouragement for years. This is not a matter of intelligence but of the type of intelligence. A child with high bodily-kinesthetic or social intelligence will naturally need more time than a child with high introspective intelligence, who tends to enjoy sitting and focusing more. Remember that no one is smarter than another. Our differences are wisdom and beauty from Allah the All-Knowing and All-Wise, so that this world may flourish and each person may be guided toward what he was created for. The strength of your relationship with your child and his love for you also make it easier for him to build the positive habits you invite him toward. A strained relationship, on the other hand, causes children to resist both the parent and the virtuous actions he calls them toward, as a form of retaliation for poor treatment. When you follow up with your child and encourage him to build positive habits, you are laying within him the habits of excellence and success that he will need throughout his life. But when you scold, blame, or punish your child while unaware of how difficult it is for a habit to form in the brain, you raise a discouraged person who lacks Self-confidence, sees himself as unable to meet your expectations, loses the desire for growth and self-development, and feels helpless. Your treatment of your child, your patience with him, and your encouragement shape the features of his character and ignite his inner motivation to move forward. So be mindful of your reaction, and be gentle. The Messenger of Allah, peace be upon him, said: "Gentleness is not found in anything except that it beautifies it, and it is not removed from anything except that it disgraces it." Narrated by Muslim.