A widespread and deeply rooted false belief in our societies prevents us from succeeding in raising our children and enjoying our relationship with them. It also stunts their emotional and cognitive growth. This belief is the way we deal with mistakes. For example, when I as a mother or father receive a note from school saying that my child forgets to do his homework, what is the typical reaction to this mistake? Disappointment? Scolding? Threats? Lecturing? What will the child learn from this? To hide his mistake? To hate himself? To feel discouraged or inferior? We can turn our children's mistakes into opportunities to teach them thinking skills, develop their intelligence, and build their self-confidence by teaching the skill of problem solving instead of resorting to scolding and discouragement. First Step Ask your child with confidence, good faith, and without intimidation: Why do you forget to do your homework? Think about what reasons make you forget. Then listen to him with respect and give him the chance to think and analyze the reasons, developing his thinking skills in the process. Accept that it is natural for a person to make mistakes, so he learns to reflect on himself and take responsibility for his mistake instead of hiding it or denying it, as many people in our societies do today. Second Step After listening to him, ask him to suggest solutions to the problem he is experiencing and to choose the ones that can actually be applied: What can you do to solve the problem of forgetting your homework? Third Step Follow up with him as he works on solving the problem and encourage his progress. Ask him: How are things going? How much progress have you made in solving the problem? Accept that he cannot suddenly complete all of his homework at once. Encourage any progress he makes, even if it means completing just one assignment in a week, while continuing to encourage him to come up with solutions, discuss causes and options with him, and help him reach a point where he remembers to complete his homework consistently. When we accept that partial progress leads to greater progress, and when we encourage effort rather than reserving appreciation only for the final result, our child will be motivated to keep moving forward and will not fear failure. He will then develop a Growth Mindset that embraces challenges and finds joy in achieving small daily successes, driving him to achieve more and more in life. Offering appreciation only when our child reaches the final result gives him an all-or-nothing mindset. This is one of the common Cognitive Distortions that leads to negativity, narrow thinking, and fear of taking initiative. In his mind, he is either successful or a failure, either completing all his homework or failing completely. How much do our children need to feel held and supported when they make mistakes, instead of having us stand against them and discourage them in the face of a difficult world that awaits them? How much do they need their skills to be nurtured instead of frozen through fear, discouragement, and blame? How much do they need encouragement to face challenges and grow through them, so they feel confident and take pleasure in growing, instead of feeling weak and inferior? And then we wonder why they do not take responsibility and why they are so negative.

Spontaneity is the absence of pretension and artificiality that come from wanting to gain people’s approval. Spontaneity means that I behave naturally, accepting myself and accepting others as well. Spontaneity comes from appreciating the value of our uniqueness and recognizing that we do not need to become copies of others in order to feel belonging. Spontaneity is positivity, flow, and freedom from the fear of rejection or criticism, and freedom from the constant focus on how people see us. Spontaneity is when my outward appearance matches my inner self. Spontaneity means having a heart open to love, embracing life with a spirit of acceptance and contentment. Spontaneity is having the heart of a child and the mind of an adult. Spontaneity is comfort for the heart. We feel happy with people around whom we can be ourselves and act naturally, and the opposite is also true. Spontaneity means being at peace with oneself and behaving without the constraints of tension, but within the boundaries of wisdom and seeking the pleasure of Allah. Spontaneity does not mean losing wisdom when speaking or acting, nor losing courtesy or respect. When I speak spontaneously, I remain aware of the wisdom behind my words: Is what I am saying beneficial? Is it comfortable for the person listening to me? Am I seeking the pleasure of Allah through it? People feel comfortable with spontaneity and sense it deeply, and they are repelled by pretension and can sense it, even if they do not express it. Spontaneity is an attractive quality in a woman, contrary to what some women believe, causing them to pretend and exhaust themselves with no benefit. Spontaneity is one of the secrets of influence and one of the secrets of a successful marital relationship. Spontaneity draws a child toward a woman and helps in raising a child with a confident character. The more self-esteem declines, the more a person becomes pretentious, strained, and perhaps even dishonest. And the more a person’s self-esteem rises, the more spontaneous and natural he becomes, because he loves himself and does not wait for others to love him through their approval or opinions. A negative environment kills spontaneity, while spontaneity grows in a positive environment filled with appreciation and goodwill.